Myth Busters

Dear Missionary Mama

This blog makes me smile. As I am writing it, I am thinking about my sons and the emails we have been sharing about these myths we were told about, and how we have busted them!! It doesn't make me angry or hurt, instead - just smile and know it is going to be something that we will talk about when they are finished - and have a laugh...

You see before the boys left for their mission and while at the MTC - I came across some information - all corroborated by other missionaries and/ or my favourite group of people in the world - missionary mothers. So practically it was 'gospel'....... yet now we (the Turketo3) call them myths - hence the smiles.....

MISSIONARY MYTH 1: The Room

We were told while the boys were preparing for their mission, and for some reason, and I do not know why - at the Provo MTC, New Zealand (NZ) is seen as a 3rd world country. This means that the missionaries from NZ join other missionaries from other poor? countries and are taken to this room where they can pick and choose from the items in there and have them - for free! We had heard missionaries picking up suits, bags, shirts, and so on. My niece who went to the Provo MTC - talked of this room....

With this information, and because the boys are serving in a HOT country, and Provo at the time was in the middle of WINTER, we decided that the boys would be able to pick up some warm clothes from the ROOM.

So my sons get called to this room - and the myth is busted! Instead of this massive room (waaaaay smaller than in our imaginations!) and having free range of items - the boys reported that they are met by people who went through their missionary checklist looking for gaps - so the missionary that got a new suit - probably required more suits, hence a suit was picked up.... However, since my sons arrived at MTC with ticks  next to every mission specific/required items, they didn't get much from the room.... but they got what they needed.

My son wrote back and told me that the room is actually made up of lost and found items left by the thousands of missionaries that move through the MTC. It is also made up of clothes - which my son did himself - donated by missionaries that aren't going to be using them. So the warm clothes that one of my sons picked up from other missionaries and from parcels - critical in Provo - but unnecessary in the Caribbean were donated. Other kind saints are also donating. My son, got his warm coat from a missionary who left before him. Myth Busted ;-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 2: The ATM Card
The myth:I read somewhere that missionaries in the MTC get a card like an ATM card that had money on it for things that a missionary would need. Again, based on this information, and embellished by my imagination - I ask the boys about this card... and I relax a little thinking that they are getting money every week to get things that they need - although in the MTC - they don't need much!! I'm thinking - if they want to get something from the bookstore, or they want to get some nice paper to write home to their mother (another dream!!) - this card would have some money on it.

In one of the last emails from the MTC, and I am sure he was wearing a big smile as he was writing, my son tells me - Mum - it wasn't like an ATM card with money on it - it was like a swipey card that has $5 on it - for their laundry. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 3: The Airport Call

Now, I am a fan of my missionary mothers groups that I am a part of. Some of the women in there are up to their 4th missionary - so again what they say is 'gospel'. The posts of interests were the ones about missionaries calling home from the airport before leaving or during lay overs. My sons and I planned for these little calls - they have phone cards and one has almost $15 worth of quarters ;-) They are prepared...... I wait and wait and wait........ I even find myself stalking airflights! ;-) What I notice is that when they arrive at the JFK airport in New York (they have never been there before) they have 1 hour to make a connecting flight at another terminal that they have never been too - and I know that checking out and in takes time!! Because of all these little things - I fell into the group of MM who didn't get one phone call. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 4: The Mission Home
The myth: I had been reading other missionary mothers posting about how they received on the same day as arrival or soon after a letter from their missionary's Mission President (with a photo), some missionaries were even passed a phone to call home to let their parents know they had arrived safely. So you can see where this is going right..... yes I wait all day and night - and nothing! I think every mission is different so another Myth Busted ;-)

And after all is said and done, even with these little things shattered and not bearing up well to my imagination, expectations and anticipation - I know without a doubt that my sons are in God's hands. Even without knowing by phone call that they had arrived - I know in my heart they did and they are well. I know they are excited and looking forward to working hard and although alittle nervous - they will be like sponges taking in every new experience, sight, sound, and smells of their new home! This belief I have, and this peace I feel inside - is not a myth and will never be busted!

Until the next time,

Take care,

Mxo

Letting Go - Day 42+

Dear Mamas Journal

I look back at my entry that I wrote the first week the boys left home for their missions and I cannot believe I have come this far. Honestly, when the boys left - I felt like my heart was broken, that there was no light, and the grief was overwhelming - and the crying. I had never cried that much EVER before - and was surprised that my eyes could come up with so much water ;-)

 

I have grieved before - when my mother passed away - so I recognised how I felt as grief for the loss of a child - not to death - but to adulthood, not to anything terrible - but to something amazing - but grief all the same. I realised pretty early on - that my sons went away as my babies - and when they come back - they will be grown up men, my role as mother shifted to being an advisor when asked ;-) and let's not even talk about the shift once he gets a wife ;-)

 

So what does it look like - 6 weeks later.... well, for starters I can write this without shedding a tear - and that's progress!

 

Keeping busy - Organising letters and parcels once a week. Thinking of new ideas or quirky happy ways to collect messages and images has been a fun distraction and I have enjoyed it. Check our my post on parcels and letters - so you can see what I've been up to. I also keep a book that I write a sentence a day and collect an image for the day - so that keeps my creative mind busy... Mr and I also have started a book called "How have I seen the hand of the Lord in our Missionary's lives?" Keep busy otherwise your mind will start counting how many days you have to go!!

 

Talking to the Mr - This has been the first time that Mr and I have been together alone since we were dating almost 26 years ago this week actually ;-) When we got married, we lived with my solo mother so we had our own space but we were always together with my mother and sometimes my siblings - and now, its just me and him - and I am loving it... It has been different, interesting and kinda nice ;-)

 

Having fun - Mr and I are trying to do things that we haven't been able to do - and go places that we may not have gone before and we are enjoying it. We are having fun, and for oldies like us - that's something right? We are finding that it is cheaper with just the two of us - so we can go places that we may not have gone before with the children. Recently we have been to a Rugby 7s tournament, and a Rugby League 9's tournament and just the other day we took the day off work to take a visiting cousin to Taupo and Rotorua then Raglan in a day - because - we could! We had an action packed awesome day.

PDays - The MTC has been an amazing experience for the boys and I guess what helps is the power of their testimonies that come through weekly emails and the photos - now those photos made me like a cry baby every time! The first couple of PDays - I was overwhelmed to the point that I didn't go to work. I would have been no good to anyone - crying away at my desk looking at photos and answering emails!! Gradually I made it to work on a  couple of PDays - and cried at my desk but still was there and then the last two PDays - I have been fine....I have learnt for myself the power of the PDay and the emails that you get from your missionary. It's like being addicted to your email inbox, and wherever you are -  you wait, and wait, and wait.... sometimes you are lucky enough to get a photo - but those emails are precious!! I have never heard my sons tell me they love me so much until now. I have watched them connect with their father and ask his advice about companionships - which has been beautiful to see develop. I have read their testimonies and spiritual experiences and honestly - it is what keeps me going. How could I be sad, and want my sons home - when they were happy, learning, serving, and excited.... my feelings becomes less important -and my focus on their happiness becomes more important!!

Counting - I remember waiting for the sun to come up so I could tick off another day! And the days just dragged on and on and were not moving fast enough. When I stopped counting - and this didn't happen until week 4/5 - the days have just been peeling away! I keep three counters and they all keep ticking over regardless which has been awesome. I mean, here I am in week 6, when I thought, honestly it felt like I was going to die of a broken heart in week 1.

Cry - Don't get me wrong - I haven't stopped crying. I just cry for different things now. Before it was about how sad I was and now - it's more about what I am reading and witnessing in my sons. Their testimonies are amazing!! Their experiences are life-changing. They miss home, they miss me and their father - and hearing that makes me cry. What I have found though is that when I am reading their emails - I tend to get emotional.... because I can hear in their words this powerful testimony, and this love they have of the gospel, but more especially their relationship with Heavenly Father and their Saviour Jesus Christ. I call them my golden tears ;-) I cry more now because I feel what they are saying and love them more everyday.

Support - I have had amazing support - both in person or otherwise. I have joined a Missionary Mommas page on facebook which had hundreds in it when I joined last October and now there is over a thousand members. That amount of missionary mothers is best support system you can have because there is bound to be someone, either here or abroad that has had the exact or similar experience to you. I have non-member and member friends who have been so supportive. I got a blessing from one of my missionarys (their father got one from the other twin) and he mentioned on a number of occasions - to "bless mum to know that she is loved and supported". One day I was crying all the way to work - and feeling that there was no way I was going to get through it!! I walk into my building and there is a dear friend who is waiting to talk with me - so we chat away and then she tells me she may have some tickets to a Rugby League 9s tournament! Out of the blue.... it turned out her tickets were available and she sent them to Mr and I - encouraging us to make new happy memories. I cried again - only this time it was for the love of a friend - not a member of my faith - and still was the answer to my missionary's blessing. I shared this with her and she, in closing says to me - "God bless you!!" (How amazing are my friends!! ;-)

Back to the Basics - When it comes down to it - our missionaries are serving the Lord - so I need to get myself into that frame of mind - and do this by getting back to the basics - reading the scriptures (which Mr and I are trying to do in Spanish ;-)), saying our prayers and fasting. It's a formula my mother gave for every challenge faced - and it always works!

My top tip has got to be not to think too far ahead. I couldn't do this if I concentrated on two years so rather go from PDay to PDay or by weeks and it is working for me!

Until the next time,

Mxo

Parcels & letters

There has been a lot of chatter on an facebook group I am a part of  (made up of missionary mothers only - can you imagine that?? I love it!!) - regarding parcels and letters. In fact before the boys had even been set apart I was taking all this information in and was better prepared for it. So this is what I have done over the last 6 weeks that the boys have been gone...

1. Old School is still the best

Regardless of what anyone says - a handwritten letter is the best! It is normal practice to email, and through places like DearElder.com you can send an email, which will get printed and put into an envelope and delivered and if blessed enough to be in the Provo MTC- it can be delivered free! We have done this, as well as sent care packages through DearElder.com - but when we recieved our own envelope of hand written letters - we were alittle - well, make that I was overwhelmed  - I cried! When the boys settle in the Dominican Republic I am going to hand write to them at least each fortnight!

 

2. Out with the Old and in with the Old ??

When I was a teenager and granted it was some decades ago - without the internet - we used to use old magazine pictures and write letters on the other side of them - and fold them in a way that they also served as an envelope. Well 30 years later, guess what I did for my missionaries - picked pages from magazines and wrote on them and turned them into envelopes. My niece is also a missionary - so I have to admit finding funky images for her was much easier - but for them I have even turned tv, appliances and furniture adverts into writing paper. The boys have loved receiving these  - every one!! So try it - look through the latest magazine and let your imagination take over ;-) If there was too much writing, then I found some scrapbooking paper and covered it up and wrote on that. The little superhero photo was a furniture advert in a house magazine, with a piece of scrapbook paper at the bottom to cover up the details.

3. Creative messages

I have heard that photos or images are worth a thousand words - so what happens if you combine them both? I have done this a few times - the first was at a beach activity. I painted an old framed picture (picked it up from a 2nd hand store) with blackboard paint and had friends and people my missionaries knew, write messages to the boys then photographed them holding their message.  After I had a handful - I made a collage - each one different - and sent them over inside a parcel. They were so surprised!! One of my boys loved it so much - saying it was an answer to his prayers - and he had planned to ask me to send him some photos of friends and family. It buoyed him up - especially when he was at the MTC in the snow - having left us and summer behind just a few weeks earlier. Be creative with your messages - short is good enough and remember - just because they are on a mission - doesn't mean they don't need to have a little giggle or laugh and see people from home!

4. Pictures are worth a thousand words

Recently Mr and I went with our friends to Wellington, NZ - about a 6 hour drive from where we live. While we were there we went to an international Rugby 7s competition. It has got a reputation of people dressing up in costumes (and other things) - and so I approached people to hold a handmade sign on the back of a paper bag saying 'HOLA'. I again put that together as a collage on one side of an A4 sized card and on the cover - I put a message and photos of Mr and I telling our sons how much we loved them!! 

5. Parcels and letters are not cheap
I sent a parcel to the MTC a week before the boys got there so when they did - they had a parcel waiting for them or arrived soon after landing. It made their day! It cost more to send it than what was in it!! I made a pact that I would send them a parcel every week - and yes it cost hundreds of dollars - but I needed to do that for me! I didn't want them to want for anything - turns out - they wanted (well one son in particular) more than what I sent and he will live without it!! But parcels are not cheap. Now the boys are moving to the Dominican Republic and parcels take 6-8 weeks to arrive IF AT ALL!! I need to be a little more organised and will be utitlising DearElder.com who will print emails and put them in envelopes and mail once a week -and also do something called a pouch - which is alittle bigger than a letter (photos can be added) with a small charge and this is done once a week as well. So I will be utilising all of these options as well as regular mailing. As it is expensive - think about sharing parcels and letters amongst your family and friends!

6. Be careful
I have heard of stories where missionaries never receive their parent's parcels -  I am prepared for this, hence using DearElder.com. but will let you know if that works!! However, this is not what you need to be careful of - as I found out. There are rules about the things that you can send which I found out the hard way.. My sons needed some insect repellent - so thinking they would be able to shop on their PDay - we planned for them to purchase this in the States. Little did  we know that they were unable to go shopping AT ALL while in the MTC - so ended up with no insect repellent. Big problem!! It is a requirement for them to take it as Denghi fever and Malaria  and other insect carried diseases are big health concerns in the DR..... so I thought I would mail them some insect repellent - WRONG MOVE. Unbeknown to me until it was dropped off - a couple of my parcels had been stopped, opened, re-taped and then sent on to the boys - with the insect repellent sent back to me as dangerous and hazardous!! The drama and a lesson for me!! So be careful with what you send - although I declared it - it came back and my sons never got their parcel for that week....

7. Use every surface

Missionary mothers (MMs) are an amazing group of people and some of the things that are getting sent to missionaries is amazing - so that my babies didn't miss out I adapted it and did my own thing - but based on the same premise of filling every empty space on the parcel with love. Some mothers filled the insides of the parcel flaps with pictures of sunshines, other attached themed pictures like hearts on valentines day, flowers, you name it - it's been done!! I have stuck photos on mine so that the first thing my son will see when he opens his parcel beside the goodies inside is a reminder of the people who love him dearly!! Other times I have written messages and encouragement for him so that his eyes are full of things that I want him to know. Basically, I use every surface to let him know that he is loved and never ever alone!!

8. Guidelines on what not to do

There is this awesome article about what to do and what not to do when writing to a missionary that I thought was great. It is an older article but it is still a very good read. However, I think the most important thing to note is to use what you think is best for your child.... For example, after reading this article - Mr and I decided that we wouldn't tell the boys how much we missed them - so we wrote emails back and forward - never telling them that. They would tell us how much they missed us - but we told them we loved them but never concentrated on the "missing" bit - and remember I thought I was dying of heartache and grief - so it was difficult for me NOT to let them  how I was feeling. Then one day, I read a post by another MM who had a son return home and she said that her first two children - she never told them that she missed them but the younger two she did (without ever dwelling on it! - and that's the key).  She said - that it made a difference - the younger two appreciated knowing that they were missed - whereas the older two often wondered if they were missed, and never felt like they were - what a powerful lesson for me.... So since then, and in the last few weeks we tell them that we miss them and love them more.... Which has worked because one of our boys has been a bit homesick and to know that his mother and father actually missed him heaps - helped him - he knew he was not alone - EVER!! Check the article out - http://www.lds.org/new-era/2007/03/missionary-mail?lang=eng

I hope you have found something helpful in this entry!! I will let you know how I go sending things into the Dominican Republic - starting next week. I plan to send a peanut butter care package through DearElder.com - which according to them is one of the top request from missionaries serving internationally - peanut butter? Who would have thought that...

Until the next time,

Mxo